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It's 2015, and the thoughts that consume my life more than… 
13th-Jan-2015 01:13 am
flowers
It's 2015, and the thoughts that consume my life more than anything else completely surround my daughter.  She'll be a year old in just over two months.  I'm getting older.  I don't feel this old.

I also think about time travel.  Or rather, I fantasize about it.  Life goes by really, really quickly.  The truth is that there's absolutely nothing that I could or would do differently.  People always talk about how you direct your own path, and truth be told, I'd be the queen of directing my own path, painting my own canvas, etc, etc., but life on Earth is almost entirely about our relationships with others, and we're not the only players in the paths our lives take.  

I remember being on a particularly memorable date in high school.  Something like The Wallflowers was playing on his car radio, and I was drinking the remnants of a virgin strawberry daiquiri.  We had the windows down, and I was having a blast.  And it wasn't the guy that was particularly special, but that time in my life was.  That moment in my life was special because I reveled in it though I didn't know why I felt the need to do so.  Everything was ahead of me.  I'm twice as old as I was at that moment.  Arguably still youngish, but when there are so many memories in my past, sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Cinematic moments. If you don't have some, I feel sad for you.

Donna and I taking a whirlwind trip to New Orleans.  2000.  I was chewing gum on the drive, and I spit it out the window, but the wind blew it back in the car, and it stuck to the black button down shirt that I was wearing.  I remember stopping to get gas.  She was laughing hysterically.

Eating chocolate pecan pie in the middle of the night with my boyfriend.  2004.  This sticks out in my mind because I remember thinking, "I love this moment; I will remember this moment."  And I do.

Driving.  2006.  I used to drive the perimeter around Atlanta late at night when I needed to think.  I blew out the speakers to my stereo on one of those drives.  2011.  The first time we were in Twentynine Palms, I would drive down 62 to Yucca Valley on a near-daily basis.  I'll forever get nostalgic for that particular feeling because it's tied to a time that will never come again.

2014.  Hearing Jane's little cry when she came out.  I remember how adorable her cry sounded to me, and I said that out loud to my husband.  There's really no experience on Earth that can compare with growing a tiny human for nine months and then watching that same human grow and thrive outside of you.  This past week, I've really become fully aware that she is a completely separate entity from me.  She's going to grow up and have her own life, one day.

I could go on.

Time travel.  One of my very favorite books is The Time Traveler's Wife.  I read it for the first time at the beginning of 2006.  When I pull out my copy, I see that I've starred, underlined, and highlighted many passages.  It speaks to me in both extremely practical and extremely fantastical ways, as I possess those two sides quite distinctly.  And then, I guess I'm just a romantic in a lot of ways.
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