Why in the fuck am I always the person who has to initiate social interactions/meetings? Am I that boring?
I'm getting an occasional white hair, and I've recently noticed a smile line wrinkle, and both of these things are really disturbing to me. Vanity sucks.
Why am I always searching for something that I never find? I know the answer is that God is the answer to everything, and I've got control freak tendencies that won't let me fully accept this on a spiritual level.
Devoting all of your time and energy to a child is really, really emotionally taxing. I think it's compounded by the fact that I don't want to do anything to psychologically damage my child (which is impossible, really). People with parents or siblings who live near enough to babysit should be thankful for such a thing.
My husband is deploying next year, and even though yes, I'll be fine, it would be nice for someone to say "if you need anything, I'm here for you."
I feel like Jane would benefit from a sibling, but I'm selfish. Even though I firmly believe that staying home with her right now is the right thing, I look forward to going back to work once she's school-aged, and that time would be extended if I were to have another child.
I hate that I'm always expected to be the one in charge of fucking EVERYTHING, but somehow I create that dynamic in (almost) all of my relationships. I don't have the energy.
This is what certain childhood family dynamics will do to you.